Cutting-edge Bluetooth technology (a cell phone with a built-in thermometer) offers us the mystic ability to contemplate the wonders of the future

Cutting-edge Bluetooth technology (a cell phone with a built-in thermometer) offers us the mystic ability to contemplate the wonders of the future: Take a look inside my pants.

The temperature in my pants on Friday, December 15, 2017 at 8:12 am UTC is

84



What does this temperature indicate?
TEMP ACTIVITY

79° or less: My pants are down or off of my body

80° - 84°: I'm sitting or in a dormant state

85° - 88°: I'm walking or doing light exercise

89° - 92°: I'm running or doing vigorous exercise

93° or greater: I have a fever or I spilled hot coffee on my lap at a McDonald's drive through window
How do I display the temperature in my pants?
Bluetooth wireless technology allows a cell phone to register the temperature in my pants. When this Bluetooth-enabled device is near another Bluetooth access point (my computer), the current temperature is transferred to this web page.
Why am I measuring the temperature in my pants?

Simple: because technological advances allow me to! Measuring trouser-temperature is a small step into the future. Eventually, Bluetooth and RFID technology will allow us to pay for purchases without reaching into our pants to grab cash. Sufferers of incontinence can automatically notify their physicians with every accidental release.

My little Nokia phone features a full set of weather monitoring tools. For personal privacy concerns, I refuse to publish humidity and air pressure readings in my pants.

All temperatures are presented in the Fahrenheit scale.


Donate to the hungry. I need lunch money.